ok, I guess this will be a time to vent. As you know I am a teacher at a local high school. Every one is still not sure about cuts and how the budget situation will effect us individually or even as a department. I have over the past few weeks said I wasn't concerned I would be fine only because of the certification that I hold. I trusted that God would take care of this and I wouldn't worry about it, even if it meant taking a pay cut. Well, Friday I got notification that I am not considered "highly qualified" by the No Child Left Behind Law. I hold a teacher certificate for Special Education but I at this point not qualified because I do not have a certification for a cor subject area. I spoke with someone downtown today and they advised me that I would need to take two different tests, which are $75 dollars each. I got really upset then. I really didn't understand how or why this effected me the way that it did. I have been teaching for 5 years and have never been notified of this before now. Oh by the way I have until June 30 to pass the required test. I do not test well and with the pressure that I have now I am not feeling confident at all. I pulled off the testing guide for the three different tests I am considering taking and now I feel very inadequate to take these tests. I have never taken math higher than algebra I and this will include geometry. I have thought about asking another math teacher to work with me but I am not sure about that. I don't know how all of this will work out and I am clueless as to what will happen to me. I don't like uncertainty and the feeling of hopelessness (only in this situation). I know the right thing is to trust in God but at this point I am looking at my inadequacies. I am thinking I don't have what it takes to take and pass this test. I don't know what to do or even the first step to solving this problem. With every thing that education is facing I feel like this is one more thing that keeps us from teaching. When I was in college trying to pass the Math part of the CLAST it took me a few chances before actually passed it, and I must admit that all of those thoughts and memories are rushing through my brain. I don't like this feeling. So, if you are reading I beg for your prayers through all of this. Here are some specifics: that I get a test date soon, that I am able to study and retain all that I study, that I pass this the first time I take it and through this all I don't give up/get even more frustrated/lose my testimony or my temper. I think at this point my biggest concern is, is this really what God wants me to do! I feel confused, frustrated and stupid. I love teaching and do not want to lose my job but the obstacles are being through at me and this one seems to be harder for me to cross than the rest of them.
Just when you feel a sense of rest, trust, and contentment. Not boasting but I even felt a little closer to God. Another test/trial and at this point I am failing miserably. I feel like I am back up against a wall with no where to go. I know in the end God will have taught me something through this, I am ready to learn my lesson and be done with it.
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