It has been a while since I last blogged and have wanted to for some time now. So, here I am back at it.
Today as I sit in-front of this computer my heart aches for several different reasons. Where do I begin? I will start with the feeling of being helpless. A while back, maybe two years ago, I got some news about a friend of mine and for the past 8months or so it has been heavy on my heart. I don't know what to say, or even what to do, I just want to fix everything and make it ok. I feel helpless and I don't like this feeling. I have recently thought about joining a group to raise money and have since started the effort/process. I want to visit my friend but I don't want to break down when I see him, I know myself all to well. I know what I have to but I need the comfort and peace of the Father to dwell within me to get through it. How do I help, how do I let him and his family know that I am here for what ever they need? I wish I had millions of trillions of dollars to fix this, to give to them, or whatever is needed. I know money is not the answer but right now I do know it would and could help. If you read this please pray for my friend and the family.
My next person on my heart is friend's mother who was diagnosed with cancer. Yesterday she went through surgery. I do not know a lot of details other than she pulled through surgery and will be in the hospital a few days. I do not like to see my friend or any one for that matter deal with such sickness. Please keep her and her family in your prayers as well. Taylor family.
Third, I found out some information that maybe I shouldnt have. I would like to be a person that never places judgement on anyone for things they have done whether past or present. God excepted me just the way I am and I hope that I am able to be as accepting as God is towards me. I really want to reach out to this person and show them the love that Christ has shown me. I know that this person needs to come back to church and I have since extended the invitation to him and I can only pray that God will bring him back to worship. We all make mistakes in life and fall hard but our heavenly Father is right there to pick us up and dust us off and hold our hands through it all never ever saying what a horrible person we are, or how could we, or what were you thinking, and he never turns his back and just walks away. Instead he extends his hand shows us unconditional love and acceptance. Why is it so hard for us to not judge others and accept them for who they are and not what they do or did? Unconditional love is what I want him to see and experience.
Lastly, just when I think all is good and possible; I let my guard down thinking it would all be ok. Wow, was I wrong. So many emotions that I had suppressed for a little while are now right back in my face. So, here is the story in short. being stood up is a horrible feeling. My first thought was, is he ok? Then I allowed my anger to build and I just want to yell but then my heart comes into play and it starts to hurt. When I finally hear something and know that he is ok, I then have the thoughts of what is wrong with me, did I say or do something wrong, did I misunderstand what was said, red into something that wasnt there. Oh well, maybe I should just go back to being me and not worrying about anything else. The past few weeks, closer to a month now, I keep hearing the verse in Genesis where God says it is not good for Adam to be allow and he created Eve to be with Adam. I know this but it is still hard to be patient. I am reminded of everything that I learned while going through the study of Esther. It is all about God's timing and him knowing what is right and when it is right. I know through all of this I am learning patience, and to trust God but there are times when I know I am weak and I just want to scream out, why?! One day I will have the answers but only when God is ready to reveal them to me.
In looking back at every thing I have just mentioned I know there is a plan for each and every life. The hard part is being able to share with everyone that there is a lesson learned from all of this, even in sickness. Showing people how to have faith and trust that God is in control is probably harder than any thing else. So, if you are reading this I have a list of prayer requests.
Healing from cancer and ALS
Peace, Comfort, Grace, Love
Acceptance
Patience
wisdom
faith
boldness
courage
letting go
work-test (personally for me)
