Last Day of School!

Just before the end of the day our school was filled with sadness. The news of a horrible accident turned into a complete nightmare. Several of our students got together and planned a day at the beach for the last day of school little did they know it would change their lives forever. As the news continued to come in students had started to name names and one name given was a student of mine and another I knew from seeing him in the halls. At this point I was upset but wanting to know more and students at this point knew a lot but not 100% on who or how this all happened. I then received a phone call from one of the teachers that one of my students was in the accident and killed, this is hard. I tried not to cry because I still had students in my room and I needed to be strong for them (that was a wrong thought). As they left out of my room at 11:30 I began to cry and one of the guys leaving asked Ms. Smith are you sad? I should have spoke to them to let them know how I felt about the horrible accident and that I was sad and upset. As the bell rang Mr. Clark announced a mandatory faculty meeting, at this point I was shacking and had several text messages asking questions and letting me know they were praying for me. I get into our meeting and Mr. Clark starts of by not wanting to say the names of the students involved but I knew if he didn't I would be able to do anything else, so he decided to tell us the names of the students involved. I wont mention the names but you can go to news4jax and find that yourselves. The driver discharged tonight was a student of mine and I am so hurting for him right now, I cant imagine how he feels about all of this, his girl friend also in the accident is still in critical condition. The next name was a boy, who did not survive the accident, that I would see out in the halls in front of my room, I will always remember his Georgia hat, Georgia t-shirt and flip flops even when it was cold, he was a very polite young man. The next name was another student of mine. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I started to cry, but tried the best I could to hold it in until I got alone in my room. The other names that were mentioned I did not know who they were but am still just as broken up over them as I am for the ones that I knew. I cant begin to process how these parents are feeling right now, or what the driver is feeling. What do you say to the parents, what do you say to the students who survived, how to you share with the students who will return to school in August? I feel like I am stuck in a box and I my hands are tied, I don't know what to do or even to say. I have so many emotions,thoughts and feelings at times I just want to cry other times I want to through something. They were so young, is a statement that has been repeated. I know God has a bigger plan from all of this and I pray that students will learn the importance of safety.

Here is my challenge to those who read this. Please always remember your seat belt even if you are going a short distance. Parent tell your children you love them, hug them, spend time with them, and have not moments of regret. I will forever have the memory of these students in my thoughts and am truly broken over this whole thing. May God comfort the families and those students that survived as well as the friends as well as other teachers of these students.

Transition and Change

You know a few years ago I absolutely hated change but over the last five years it seems to be my motto. I have changed schools, subject areas, classrooms, houses twice, and now in ministry. I have been praying for a while now where God wanted me to be. I knew that I couldn't continue to work with the youth for many reasons. I have been a part of the youth ministry at PL for 7 years now and have loved every minute of what God has done in my life. I could write a book about how God has touched my life over the last 7 years. If it wasn't for Mike Lewis and the encouragement and prayer from others I might not have gotten through the general knowledge exam. If it wasn't for the support of close friends and much needed prayer and support there is a lot that I don't think I would have gotten through.I am so thankful to Tommy Mallard for holding my grandmothers funeral and for being there for my family and to Kevin who was there as well. Also, for the hospital visits that you both made while she was in the hospital. Words can't express thank you enough for that. Many people set the example of truly living the Christian life and what it meant to follow Christ and for that I am very grateful. I have memories that will be with me forever and I know that I will look back over the years and laugh. I wonder at times where my life would be if it wasn't for the members and love that was expressed over the years. I never thought I would teach a group of girls about different very tough topics, there was one that I remember as if it were yesterday, I had never experience God the way that I did during that time. Then the opportunities to attend conferences and camps and minister to the youth. I have been touched by the lives of these young people as well as encouraged to see the faith that they have. I cant begin to say how grateful I am to be allowed the opportunity and privilege to be a part of an awesome ministry and church. With the direction from God I feel that it is time for me to step out of the youth and see what God has for me next. I know a little over a year ago God gave me a vision about speaking to females about who we are in Christ and how he sees us. Maybe that is the next step and what God wants me to do. I am not sure of the next step but I know this is what I need to do. So many thoughts and emotions but I do know that this is what God is calling me to do because I have a peace about stepping out. I have told some of the students and will make it known to all, I am still available if they need anything. I love those students as if they were my own children. So, you see over the years I have experienced change in my life and some times that change is what is needed for God to be at work in my life and in the lives of others.