Recap of the week!

As I blogged earlier, a week ago I received a notice about not being highly qualified and that meant my job was in jeopardy. As always, I panicked and that didn't help matters. I stressed all weekend and by Monday I was very upset and concerned as to what would happen with my job. I called downtown to speak with someone in certification and her response just made things worse. Take a test me and two of them. There is no way I can do this especially with the pressure now on. So, all day I was made upset, stressed and frustrated. So, texting all of this and posting on facebook, I knew I had people praying about this for me. (For those of you who were praying for me, God answered your prayers and I am so grateful for friends like you, so thank you for praying for me) Tuesday morning I woke up and felt horrible and stupid. That morning before I got up to start the day I just apologized to God that I didn't trust him enough to take care of this. I gave this situation over to him and said "God you put me in the position of teaching and if this is your plan then you will guide me through this." Well, I must say he has. Yesterday I was going over a few things and I started looking over the material to study. I have been talking with one of the teachers and she was dealing with the same thing and the information she was given was completely different from what I was given. Today, I get a phone call about HQ (highly qualified) and she forwarded an email to me for me to fill out. Now all I need is for my principal to sign off on it and fax it off. God has been working this out the entire time. Even when I didn't allow him to have control he was still working it out. I feel bad that God wasn't the first that I went to and that I tried to do this on my own. The next time a trial is in front of me I hope I am reminded quickly just how much God loves me and will guide me through the situation.

During this whole thing I have been reading the book called The Shack. Wow, I love this book. It has opened my eyes to so many different emotions. I will blog about it later but just wanted to share briefly about this week. God is good. Trust in Him.

Again thank you to those who have been praying for me.

Frustration/Stressed

ok, I guess this will be a time to vent. As you know I am a teacher at a local high school. Every one is still not sure about cuts and how the budget situation will effect us individually or even as a department. I have over the past few weeks said I wasn't concerned I would be fine only because of the certification that I hold. I trusted that God would take care of this and I wouldn't worry about it, even if it meant taking a pay cut. Well, Friday I got notification that I am not considered "highly qualified" by the No Child Left Behind Law. I hold a teacher certificate for Special Education but I at this point not qualified because I do not have a certification for a cor subject area. I spoke with someone downtown today and they advised me that I would need to take two different tests, which are $75 dollars each. I got really upset then. I really didn't understand how or why this effected me the way that it did. I have been teaching for 5 years and have never been notified of this before now. Oh by the way I have until June 30 to pass the required test. I do not test well and with the pressure that I have now I am not feeling confident at all. I pulled off the testing guide for the three different tests I am considering taking and now I feel very inadequate to take these tests. I have never taken math higher than algebra I and this will include geometry. I have thought about asking another math teacher to work with me but I am not sure about that. I don't know how all of this will work out and I am clueless as to what will happen to me. I don't like uncertainty and the feeling of hopelessness (only in this situation). I know the right thing is to trust in God but at this point I am looking at my inadequacies. I am thinking I don't have what it takes to take and pass this test. I don't know what to do or even the first step to solving this problem. With every thing that education is facing I feel like this is one more thing that keeps us from teaching. When I was in college trying to pass the Math part of the CLAST it took me a few chances before actually passed it, and I must admit that all of those thoughts and memories are rushing through my brain. I don't like this feeling. So, if you are reading I beg for your prayers through all of this. Here are some specifics: that I get a test date soon, that I am able to study and retain all that I study, that I pass this the first time I take it and through this all I don't give up/get even more frustrated/lose my testimony or my temper. I think at this point my biggest concern is, is this really what God wants me to do! I feel confused, frustrated and stupid. I love teaching and do not want to lose my job but the obstacles are being through at me and this one seems to be harder for me to cross than the rest of them.

Just when you feel a sense of rest, trust, and contentment. Not boasting but I even felt a little closer to God. Another test/trial and at this point I am failing miserably. I feel like I am back up against a wall with no where to go. I know in the end God will have taught me something through this, I am ready to learn my lesson and be done with it.

Memories

I had a weird moment yesterday. In conversation two different times I was remind or a past memory that really brought me to tears. I wont go into detail but it really upset me and at times still does. I have often questioned why God would allow me to go through that and feel the pain that I felt. Last night after the conversation I had I was sitting on the couch and was really trying to figure out why this still brought me so much pain. I knew I had gotten over it and was, what I thought, past all of that. I had to stop and pray for a specific person and pray for safety and guidance in their life. Then I had to ask God why I was feeling this again. Here is what God said. I need for you to share your experience so that others will have an idea what to do. If you let them see your pain then maybe they will trust me to let me (God) take care of them. The road I lead them and you down is not going to be easy but trust and know that I (God) am in control and will guide and protect you. You will suffer some painful situations but in the end it will make you stronger and allow you to share what I am doing in and through you.

This morning when I got up I was quickly reminded of this pain and I sat on the edge of my bed and said "God I don't want to feel this any more, remove this from life and let me move on." I know that we go through experiences in life so that we will one day be able to help someone else and those memories can be painful. I have learned a lot from this situation past and present I know that God allowed me to go through all of that so that I would be stronger and trust him more. I am thankful that God allowed me to share this experience with someone else and I hope that they will allow God to guide them in their time of need. We are not promised an easy life with no heart ache but a life promised to eternity if we except and believe in the Son. Trust him and allow him to guide you in this life he has given you.